No Outlet (new edit 4)

[wasellajam]

Hi Ella, I like the new version, the change in tense for the first three stanzas works well, the poem reads smoother as a whole now. I've left some notes below.

No Outlet  (edit 2) (John B, milo, P)

In April when the trees began to leaf  -- I liked this line from the first version, glad to see it back. I was confused why it was iambic pentameter and the rest of the poem was iambic tetrameter. But now it's back and the whole poem is iambic pentameter which I think helps
and garden plans conspired to coalesce,
the daze of hibernation fell away; -- I like 'daze of hibernation' but I suspect that it's probably been used before, so some might see it as cliché -- I'm not one of them though
we woke to bask in sweatered  sunlit breeze. -- excellent sonics here

Then June swept in and filled in every gap, -- I'm torn with this line, apart from the 'in' repetition which sounds off, 'filled in' could be 'covered' but then it's not really the same meaning. 'June swept' and 'filled in' seem to be at odds with each other. I know that you can sweep rubbish to fill in a gap, but in this line it doesn't feel right. Perhaps something along the lines of June dumping garbage or June unloading its cargo.
the narrow road was squeezed from either side;
reversal called for small repeated moves, -- this works really well sonically as it sounds like it
a u-turn now a convoluted dance. -- likewise 'convoluted' works wonderfully here at disrupting the rhythm.

For me the above stanza worked much better in the other versions and it may be because there is no mention of a car in the above stanza. I know it's obvious really but it was slightly more difficult to get

September brought a pause as hubbub dimmed,
the boatrack stacked, canoes and kayaks tarped. --  'boat rack' damn I'm daft i was reading it as 'boa track' and I've just got it now 
Tree by tree a blazing patchwork clad
the silhouette of mountains poised for sleep.

Now Winter settles, windows edged with frost;
its tires are draped with chains in hopes to stop -- 'are' seems off to me here. Although it may just be me but I feel that the rhythm has been disrupted. Also with these two lines there is an almost rhyme with frost and stop which feels out of place with the rest of the poem, especially considering the slippiness of the stanza, although it may just be an accent thing again
the likely skid that forfeits all control.
An eagle circles opened ice and dives. -- I like the idea of this ending, I'm wondering if the fact that it's a sentence on it's own keeps it a bit disconnected from the previous lines. 

Enjoyed this, I think it's the best version yet especially now that the 'tense' issue has been resolved.

Cheers for the read

Thanks for putting the work in with this.

S1L3 I'll think on "daze'
S2L1- I'm not overly attached to this line (probably should be to use it  ). I'll rework it and try to add a vehicle, and try to see what was lost from past versions.

Boatrack, spellcheck doesn't like it either so it's not you, boat-rack or boat rack. It was me who liked boatrack but I guess there's a reason it's not used, will pick one of the others.

S4L1 "are" seemed off to me too but I landed back on it, you may be right about the meter being uncomfortable (or wrong) there. Thanks.

S4L4 I want the disconnection so it's doing its job but I'll think on it.

I still don't have too much confidence in this one, I'm not sure its heart will ever come through but I really appreciate you pointing to where I can improve it and what to maybe keep. It's not taking time away from saving the world so I may as well poke at it. Thanks -ella

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google came up with 8 "daze of hibernation", same for "haze of hibernation". Point taken, thanks.
same for groggy, guess no qualifier there, or something outlandish