My love

[wizzpower]

My love

I have been yours. Without you, I would die.

I never thought we would be stuck as friends.
Though years have passed, with me, yourself and I,
You’ve stolen half my heart; my time suspends.
I lose myself within your lovely eyes.
Although your iris skews oh so astray 
A single silhouette is all that lies,
just near your pupil, there, to my dismay.

The faint glow, moonlight shimmers; cozy bright,
Is not enough for the pathetic fool.
He swoons over the dazzling sun through night.
His lamp, unlit, casts shadows like a ghoul.

My whole heart, missing! Who has it with her?
I think I love you, I’m probably sure.

2nd try
Hopefully my concept is more clear

Hi, wiz, please correct me if I misunderstand your intent. I got the impression from your explanations that you were purposely making the first half cliched to contrast something (?) in the second half. I'm not seeing much of a contrast or anything in the last 6 lines that make bluntness and cliche of the opening 8 worth it. Sorry, just not getting it, or have misinterpreted your goal.  Hopefully someone else can be of more help. I do appreciate the work you're putting in, that in itself I'm sure is worthwhile.

 
My intent was to write a poem about being in love with love
so i tried making the first 8 lines cliche, to show the speaker being "in love"
and then the others tried to expose how the love is not to the "beloved"
but i did try to put like the whole concept about being in love with love apparant, esp with 5 to 8 lines ,throughout

I do want to know what makes my poem not being able to express this concept esp through my ideas or what can be changed or considered that makes it easier for others to understand what i am