Proof that Once She Was a Mermaid

[johnnyjojo]

This is a really strong poem.  Images are well evoked.  The bees are great at the start really.  The hoofs and other words have strong impact.
My only nitpick is the very last line.  Where you go away from the 4/4/4 etc. line structure and bring in a King's men reference from left field and then leave it hanging.
You could almost leave that out and would be fine poem!  Enjoyed reading this! 

JJJ

Hello and thank you for commenting, it is very helpful.  The final lines are actually a reference to The Odyssey (famous mermaid reference) where Odysseus (a king for those who do not remember) instructed his men to lash him to a mast when passing the sirens so he couldn't kill himself but would still experience their beautiful music.  It does represent the metaphor of the whole poem so I will need to reconsider if it is not working or perhaps deemed unnecessary

Thanks for commenting

Milo - OK thanks for explanation.  I didn't catch that reference on first read.  Very ambitious on your part!  Enjoyed the poem.