My love

[wizzpower]

My love


T’was involuntary, can’t help myself
But I was lost the moment I saw you.
Though many years with me, yourself and I
But, still, I see half of my heart in you.

So, metrically, it isn't a tough fix.  Rhyming you with you isn't great.  "Yourself and I" is interesting and I feel like the first look into the actual author/narrator in this case.  It is tough to get the rhyme for it though, we could force a demotion on the "I" and think of something interesting that would rhyme on the demoted version (I am going to try hand, I in this case just for demonstration)  of course, if I do that, the reader will think I am forcing the rhyme on the second so an old trick would be to bring the constructed rhyme up so it naturally settles into the original rhyme as a pleasant surprise:

It was involuntary - reaching for your hand, I
caught myself that first time standing close
as years passed by, filled with me, yourself and I
find myself again, reaching for that hand I chose

etc, etc . . .

try continuing in that vein - find interesting natural  language that says what you - an honest real human being that has had real experience - feel sometimes.  Try to use interesting comparisons and language but make it real and make it yours

Thanks

I lowkey feel abit rude explaining this but tbf it probably isnt since its my fault
so uhh the concept i was trying to go for was writing a sonnet about being in love with love
i wanted to use traditional "cliche" phrases at the start to create a fake, superficial feeling especially after getting the context (like on the 2nd read or smth)
the ryhme and meter being abit off is a happy accident to show the awkwardness within the relationship itself.
And then splitting the sonnet into like 3 stanzas with the 2nd one showing actually what actually is happening like a volta of some sorts and then sprinkling forshadowing abit through like "lost" , "i see half of my heart in you" , "reflection in them revealing my gaze"
I tried making it obvious for the last 6 lines so yeah

thats just my thought process 
idk if this concept is worth trying much but it seems pretty cool and is good practice
so hopefully you could share some thoughts on how to better bring about this concept through like better word choice and improivng the rhythm to fit this
Thanks