Fresh Snow (title updated)

[jonvandalen]

Another revision (think this is the last, for now)

Fresh snow 

You set out over fresh snow 
in the not-yet-morning. 
The silent hemlocks stood aside. 
Powder crumbled underfoot.

Under a crowd of waiting stars,
you left the house sleeping. 
Father remained in a dark window, 
dim birds pecking at the sill. 

Your breath ghosted the darkness 
before you.

Behind you, nothing—
save the sound of snow 
giving way.



--

A revision:

You wandered over fresh snow
in the not-yet-morning,
past the stark pines along the road,
white powder crunching underfoot.

The stars burned bright and hard.
The house behind you slept and slept.
Father remained in a dark window,
while sooty birds gathered at the sill.

Your steps kept time on the road.
Nothing followed, save the sound
of snow giving way and a crow
calling, from where you could not tell.


—— original

You moved over fresh snow
in that not-yet-morning,
past the stark pines along the road,
powder crunching underfoot.
The stars burning hard.
The house behind you slept.
Father slept behind a dark window.
Your steps kept time in the night.
Your breath drifted cold, ahead of you.