02-21-2026, 10:55 PM
Hi John- suggestion, by subtraction:
Contentment comes not in the catch
but in the breathless chase. Suggest a hard stop here, so a reader can digest the lines.
We rise each time we fall The comma slows this down too much, but I like the break to the next line
believing something beautiful Maybe re-work this line, just a bit. ? Something like believing there is beauty perhaps??
beyond the next new dawn. Don't think lies added anything here.
I do like the sound of this one, yet think a bit less would be a lot more. I'm a big fan of short poems, because they require such precise word choices. I think you just about got it here.
Respectfully,
Mark
Contentment comes not in the catch
but in the breathless chase. Suggest a hard stop here, so a reader can digest the lines.
We rise each time we fall The comma slows this down too much, but I like the break to the next line
believing something beautiful Maybe re-work this line, just a bit. ? Something like believing there is beauty perhaps??
beyond the next new dawn. Don't think lies added anything here.
I do like the sound of this one, yet think a bit less would be a lot more. I'm a big fan of short poems, because they require such precise word choices. I think you just about got it here.
Respectfully,
Mark