Morning Star

[milo]

The title initially throws people off because of the connection with Venus and then that seems to create a connection with Jupiter through Jove.

Jove could be changed to 'Father' but I think it spoils the poem because it becomes clear by the end that Jove is God.

Could the title be changed, especially considering that it is used within the poem to great effect.

Would 'Lucifer' be too obvious a title? 
Light Bearer? Bringer of Light? -- Too cryptic

Just a couple of thoughts, the rest is excellent, although it requires some knowledge of the bible it reads well and makes sense, the last two strophes are particularly good.

Cheers for the read.

Thank you very much for reading and commenting.

I actually love the sound of "Morning Star" as a title but I will consider changing it.  It doesn't bother me too much if people are confused after the first couple readings because most poems I like I have to read a few times as well. 

Still, maybe I will try changing it and see how it feels.  Probably not Lucifer though because it feels a little too Goth for my taste.

Once again, thanks.

---

Coming to this late, and having skimmed the other critiques... a common thread seems to be the title and confusion with Venus/Aphrodite/morning star.  Could the title be, "Son of the Morning" per Isaiah and also referring to the edge of the human event horizon?

The buildup in the first three stanzas is nice, setting the stage.  Using Michael gives the myth a good whack to get the reader's attention - not Hermes or Pluto (or Vulcan, who took a Lucifer-like fall).  And we end up with a solo god, explained.  It's all games.  Appropriately, there are no female characters:  it's a boys' game.

The extra white space before "and Michael sheepishly agreed" gives or portrays a little pause.  There was resistance.

Capitalizing "Gods" when referring to Greek gods as well as the (here fictional or role-playing) unitary God works nicely to make that distinction, or lack thereof.

I'm at a loss for suggestions beyond the title change.  The story is the story, no one myth, or myths at play.  It's fun; making it clearer would reduce the power of the mixed allusions to amuse.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.  I agree that making it too clear would probably weaken it substantially.

I am considering other title changes.  It's weird that I never even considered the Venus reference until it was brought up.  We are all blinded by our own vision sometimes.

Thanks

---

Venus is the Evening Star and Lucifer is the Morning Star, and they are the same Planet.

Michael looks like God, actually is as much God as the other Angels.

I know because I interact with them daily.

Michael, after all, was there when all the old myths were warring. His twin brother is as much Prometheus as Hermes.

This is why the poem can shift without explanations given.

Thanks for commenting, rowens, it is always nice when you chime in.