I Think of You Fondly [Past Performance] Edit

[wasellajam]

Hi, Bryn. I'm posting just because I love it as is and want you to finish it, and change the title, catchy but not for this. Some notes:

Past Performance is not Indicative of Future Gains
 
I think of you on the rampart Is "I think of you" adding anything?
standing face to the wind
and remember
your hair, how you tucked it, Such a strong image
your other hand laid against the stone.
 
I remember the stone I don't mind "I remember" as much but again, do you need it?
laid a thousand years unmoved I like "laid" makes me see a wall
against sea and wind, even time, I like "even time"
but for the lichen you touched; I didn't read previous critiques but saw in your final post that there was an issue here, not for me, please be gentle if you touch it.
 
how the years can etch a story
subtle as lichen on stone,
beautiful as the wrinkle
at the corner of your eyes. Lovely 4 lines
A story I watched 
as each line was written. 
 
That day we walked in the old city
held within the hug of narrow streets
each winding bringing a new horizon. I like the change in tone and pace here, the break in emotion.
 
It’s a wonder how far
we travelled without
getting lost in the years
of those winding streets given
 
your early riser penchant
for productivity; making
honey-do lists ignored-
me, usefully idle By me, no dash, trip hazard
 
on the patio content
to imagine its denizens 
courtiers of the sun’s kingdom, 
contemplating
 
why the sea broods
always wanting
more of the land. A fan of this self description vs the activity, gives a real sense of real couple life.
Every day 
 
I read our story
like braille, my fingertips
lightly tracing our lines I like the lines coming back.
knowing this life of ours
 
has never been anything 
more than a long good-bye. Here, because I know a recently released song "A Long Goodbye" which views any lifetime as that, I was let down. I feel like that's on me, not you because they're lovely lines that belong here, but that was my read.

Thanks so much for posting it and would love to see a final edit, even if it's exactly this.