Breathless

[milo]

I like the overall message, cant really put my finger on anything particular. There are lines i fancy thou and i wouldnt change a thing.. i like it for what it is!

Which lines do you fancy?

For starters, i like the name.. its telling me where to put my focus while reading. 

We are all paralyzed between inhale and exhale.
I see it in how the world draws breath while we hold ours.

We hold our breath beneath fluorescent skies,
Afraid to inhale,
Afraid to taste the air we made.

The forest’s lungs, suffocated by the exhaust of traffic.

Then i like the whole verse here - 
Winds of changes cough quietly,
Clouds swell with smoke. 
We hold our breath,
Calling it progress.

breathing slower, deeper, exhales of destruction.
Aaand this one - 
Somewhere between
the forest’s inhale and the
the city’s exhale, we live on.

---

I like the overall message, cant really put my finger on anything particular. There are lines i fancy thou and i wouldnt change a thing.. i like it for what it is!

Which lines do you fancy?

For starters, i like the name.. its telling me where to put my focus while reading. 

We are all paralyzed between inhale and exhale.
I see it in how the world draws breath while we hold ours.

We hold our breath beneath fluorescent skies,
Afraid to inhale,
Afraid to taste the air we made.

The forest’s lungs, suffocated by the exhaust of traffic.

Then i like the whole verse here - 
Winds of changes cough quietly,
Clouds swell with smoke. 
We hold our breath,
Calling it progress.

breathing slower, deeper, exhales of destruction.
Aaand this one - 
Somewhere between
the forest’s inhale and the
the city’s exhale, we live on.

Yah, these are some good choices.  I would say the central metaphor compares the breathing of a person to the "breathing" of the planet.

The key line for me is:

The forest’s lungs, suffocated by the exhaust of traffic.

I think that is a great line that really ties it together.  After I connect with that, I read it a second time to see other lines that point to that so I can really appreciate it.

What about the line breaks?  What do you think they add to the poem?  Are they the best they could possibly be?

Thanks for discussing this.