Fentanyl With Friends (edit) (after dukealien)

[milo]

lol, you are corrects on offenses, the original:

Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.

Happy not to mess with decriminalize, thanks for the 911, I'll rework those lines. Much appreciated.

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Milo has tried to help in PM but I can't follow it there, let's try here.

Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the call to 911, charges dropped for drug
offense when calling in an overdose

I'm saying:

Our LAWS/ were CHANGED,/ they NOW/ deCRIM/inalIZE/
the CALL/ to NINE/oneone, CHAR/ges DROPPED/ for DRUG/
ofFENSE/ when CALL/ing IN/ an OV/er DOSE./

Calling milo, where am I off? (or anyone else who wants to take a swing.)

say 9-1 -1 a few times, the second 1 definitely gets an accent everytime I have ever heard it. you also have a predominant meter of IP so a reader will always start reading it as IP which the first 3 feet do

That gives us:


theCALL toNINE oneONE CHARGes DROPPEDfor DRUG

The last syllable is called catalexis and it's common enough so - unless I am missing something, it is 6 feet

i realized after reading a few times that you were elliding over decriminalize so it is deCRIM nalLIZE and I can say that fine after a little practice.

Also, I think it might be better dropping "for drug" - the reader knows it is for drug.  Of course, now I am thinking about it too much because I am wondering, "are the charges dropped?  Or are they just not charged"

Oh well, I am confident you will sort it out

How does this look?

Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 report of overdose;      (or: emergency reports of overdose)
there are no charges, everybody walks.

well, it's perfect IP with both possibilities.  I think the 911 is more interesting and communicates more - your reader understands the situation with 911 while emergency has the benefit of the reader not having to translate number into words as they read but could be an emergency call to your mom.

My vote is for 911