Because I was born

[milo]

Because I was born (Edit 1: Milo)

Mother, father, gorgonopsid fawn,
ancestors - I love you all.
Because there is nothing afterward, 
before - even so, I was born.
Not a filtered out improbability
of a bone dry statistician god,
but made to be awed 
by everything: sludge digesters,
Saturn’s rings,
and Shakespeare, 
resolving 
into clay
from which I spawned.



Original:

Mother, father, gorgonopsid fawn,
ancestors - I love you all.
Because there is nothing afterward, 
before - even so, I was born.
Not crossed out as an improbability
by a bone dry statistician god,
but made to be awed 
by everything: sludge digesters,
Saturn’s rings,
and Shakespeare. 
Finally, dissolving
into clay
from which he spawned.

Was just reading the re-write again and I think you should at least try it without any of the line end commas you have.  There are so many, they are bothersome and the line ending enough is probably enough