Fentanyl With Friends (edit) (after dukealien)

[milo]

Fentanyl With Friends  (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)

One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.

Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."

Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.

A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.


(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)

The neutral voice is what puts this over for me. Excellent.

"Find overdose materials inside." is like labeling an AED station
"Heart assistance device inside." Someone is trying so hard to be discrete.
The signs I've seen say "Emergency Overdose / Naloxone Station" and have a big red cross.
I think they should use the brand name NARCAN as that's the most well-known term.

P.S.
L7 "decriminalize" isn't strict pentameter but falls within acceptable use
L8 mine field, good luck with this line
L11 "before" is often my nemesis

Thanks so much, ray. L11 I’m sure I can fix. Do you think I can keep NINEoneONE if the rest of the line was improved? Or is it NINEoneone absolutely? Damn abacus around my neck.

911 call is trochaic/iamb substitution which is perfectly acceptable as long as the rest of your line is iambic . . .