coincidence

[josie_loves_poems]

Distant connection,
Illusory closeness.

Against my will, 
I grow numb. 

Hints flickering slight-
of an infolding road.

Keeping my feelings away,
While our dim eyes won’t meet.    

Despite it —

You look more than jolly.
It still makes me feel sick, 
And yet content.

Some meaningless words, 
I can’t control this moment.

The loss passing through me.

You’re gone. 

I move. 

while i understand the idea, i feel like the contradictory lines throw off the main message of the piece. i feel like the mood you're trying to display with this work is conflicted but resigned, but having too many conflicting lines feels disjointed and like you're trying to force these battling emotions into the reader's mind. also, i know you mentioned in a previous response that you like the frequent line breaks but i think arranging them into a more organized/pattern structure would guide the reader better! as with any critique, take this with a grain of salt! great poem!