happy

[wasellajam]

Hi and welcome! You’ve taken on quite a challenge, here are some notes:

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do you ever feel so happy you think you might pop
that the happiness that's been bubbling up in your stomach has started to travel up through your chest and has begun pooling in your lungs

Pop gives a nice sharp stop to L1. I like the feeling of the run on sentence of L2 but punctuation may be useful by allowing you to break the line in meaningful places while maintaining the feeling you’re achieving.

then it zips cold and sharp up your throat like being sick and pours into the sides of your mouth and pulls the corners of your lips into a wide smile and coats your tongue until you spew a jingle of bright brassy giggles

Sick and spew make me think of vomit which throws me out of the happy mindset. Aside from that it’s interesting following the feeling through the body.

when your chest seizes inwards and your shoulders shiver and your legs flex and your breath hitches as the happiness courses through your veins and squeezes between your bones
how your head reels and you can feel the fizz behind your eyes and leaking from your ears
expanding and spilling and dripping from your fingertips and getting stuck beneath your nails
the quivering breath of cold fresh air is the dulcet touch after such a delight

Leg seems off because we’re in the upper body. The last line putting the poem into the past was odd to me in such an immediate piece.

As with all crit, apply or not at your discretion, just some thoughts. Hope you enjoy the site!