01-09-2026, 07:35 AM
(01-09-2026, 06:16 AM)busker Wrote: Thanks - some helpful thoughts there. I like the “crossed out” suggestion, particularly.I have no intention of clogging up your thread with my incessant chatter but I wanted to say I like the new one a bit better, it reads more naturally and you are right, dissolving works better now, perhaps it was just the POV throwing me. i may have more comments later if you are still working on it, if not, no problem
Posted an edit
Took out the “Shakespeare” as it sounds pompous
Put it back. Less self aware
Maintained the “ing” to go with other “ings” but fixed the first / third person issue


