A Messy Sestina

[milo]

Maybe if I rearrange my room, I'll have a fresh perspective 
on my life.  Organize the clutter in my mind to paint a better picture 
on the page.  Starting over means another mess to clean up once again, 
and then Each year, make another mess to clean Next year. 

    I blame my inspiration on my room.  Clearly though, the issue 
is the mess that isn't representing my whole life.  Maybe if it fits 
nice on a page, the guests who have to see the trash wont mind. 
No one comes to see though, nevermind.

   Ill break the cycle starting now this year.  Rather than erasing, 
fill the page with knick knacks, junk, and nonsense in my room, 
smell the filth developing through life in cold damp hidden corners 
of the mess, anything to hide that I'm a mess.

   Projecting my self worth into your mind, self controlled illusions 
as if life Itself would end again for real this year, legacy determined 
by my room instead of what I've written on the page.  Tear it out, 
start over, turn the page, and try again.  Just add it to the mess.   
Trash can's buried somewhere in the room, I think its over there.  

   I had in mind better visions of myself these years, these culminating 
moments of my life.  Isn't this the meaning though, of life? To constantly 
be struggling through each page, pages stacked on pages, days to years, 
more years and wants and needs, a life of mess! ...structure and obedience 
to mind the other people... who may want in room. 

   It will take a year to clean this mess.  I'll pull another page and share 
my mind, but for all my life, there isn't room.

So this doesn't match the format of a sestina and it is throwing me off as I read - is it done this way to way to represent a mess as in a messy sestina?