01-06-2026, 09:53 PM
The title was possibly chosen to point to the central metaphor of the poem. As for drawing the reader in, I don't think it does that if that was your intent. It looks like you may be going for a Shakespearean sonnet here so I will comment as if that is the goal.
Thank you so much for commenting, i was going more for a concrete sonnet... I want to write a song so it sounds nice, but then I cant so it sounds off, then I get mad and break it up completely. If you've ever hit a piano with a fist its not exactly pleasant. I thought the 'world spin' could make it sound like either he played music and life went on, or he burned everything down and asphyxiated. Maybe its too dark
I hope my edits made things clearer, thank you again!
Thank you so much for commenting, i was going more for a concrete sonnet... I want to write a song so it sounds nice, but then I cant so it sounds off, then I get mad and break it up completely. If you've ever hit a piano with a fist its not exactly pleasant. I thought the 'world spin' could make it sound like either he played music and life went on, or he burned everything down and asphyxiated. Maybe its too dark
I hope my edits made things clearer, thank you again!