Liminality At The Park

[Roggen]

The ball court’s rusted hoops, stooped 
under the weight of dusk, 

The rusted hoops give me a vivid feeling of my youth. I love it.

I interpret it as a metaphor for... I'm not totally sure—decay, maybe? I think it works because of the use of "stooped."
I didn’t know this word before, but I think it fits its meaning quite well.
The weight of dusk—I'm not sure about that. It feels a little cliché, though not in a bad way.
I like clichés, and I use them quite often, but I can’t quite picture the “weight” you describe in that metaphor. I think you should describe it more subtly

watch the moon-
cloud shadows swoop across concrete.

Nearby, in the dark, children launch 
screams from park swings and flail, awkward
as mid-flight moth wings, before pinpoint landings.
i interpreI'm not really sure about that; I like the imagery but can't pick up the feeling you describe after the marijuana.
Nice, its grips me and gives me the creeps at the same time. 


Underneath the pagoda, teens smoke marijuana
and the skunky aroma wafts strong as their coughs
across the trail where the wind picks up over the stream.

I'm not really sure about that; I like the imagery but can't pick up the feeling you describe after the marijuana. I got the smell in my metaphorical nose but not the setting. Maybe it's because "steam" and trail" sound quiet vague.

Deer in the low grass stare, heads turned,
white tails bare, until I’ve stepped too near
and they zip away quicker than sparks disappear.