Dust (Edit)

[Roggen]

Hello

[quote="Roggen" pid='276319' dateline='1766447264']
Ten decades of occasions at the same dull edge,

It is an intriguing start and on the initial read I assumed it would be explained later in the poem but it never was.  Is this possibly and event or a common allusion which I am unaware of?  I don't know, I wracked my brain but I couldn't come up with the answer so I checked with my friend Chattel GraepTorian and he say

" The phrase ten decades exaggerates time—far more than a human life. This signals subjective time, not literal time: the feeling that something has gone on forever.
The same dull edge suggests a place of constant tension or risk, but drained of excitement—standing at a precipice that no longer scares you."


Ok, fair enough.  As a human reader, I think I would prefer something a little more specific and concrete.  Abstract concepts are fine but can be stronger or more effective if they are tied to concrete examples from the real world.

[quote]

I think the reference is very specific to people who grew up in similar circumstances. But I understand your point.

Perhaps it's growing up in a small town in East Germany that's foreign to you. The constant feeling of being trapped in the same places with the same memories, which makes you numb.
I chose it because it's something very personal. Here, months sometimes feel like years and years like decades.


So here we have the body of the poem.  It seems to refer to some specific task but one again, I feel like an outsider looking in .  What could this task be?  Is it another example of using the concept rather than the specific?  It is tough to reconcile.  Metaphorically, our narrator could be exerting effort toward a pursuit (leaning forward), enduring a pursuit (holding on), rejecting a pursuit( I resist) and then giving up (I let go).  

Were I to apply this to a passion project found within the human condition, I would say I have experienced these steps in pursuits, perhaps like poetry, where I lean in at the beginning, work through the challenges, resist, perhaps my own development and then finally give up.

This unfortunately does not reconcile at all with the penultimate line of the section "Every step is routine" so, once again I am a little lost.  Let's see what the brilliant mind of AI says-

This is the poem’s core. These are contradictory actions, placed side by side without explanation. The speaker cycles through opposing impulses—engagement and withdrawal, effort and surrender. The simplicity of the sentences mirrors how automatic these motions have become.
Notice the rhythm: short, blunt lines. No flourish. Almost mechanical. This suggests habit rather than choice.


Well, the AI seems to really understand this poem.

Your comment from here on feels like an attack suggesting that either the poem was written by AI or that I am not human enough to convey feelings. But again, I understand your criticism. The list is quite vaguely worded, which was my intention at first, but for an outsider who is neither in the situation nor has any experience with it, this may seem strange and uncreative.


I'm curious to see what you think of the revised version.