12-07-2025, 02:59 AM
Hi jeffalot and busker, thank you both so much for the insightful critiques of this poem. It's encouraging to hear that the atmosphere and imagery landed well in many places, and much of what was trying to be conveyed was done so successfully. I also appreciate knowing spots where the poem didn't get there, which is incredibly helpful. I understand the comment around a cohesion that's missing from the poem, a through-line to bring it all together, and will keep that in consideration.
In fact, you've each given me a wealth of considerations. Word/verb selections, syntax arrangements, shifting densities of the poem. I tend to revise slowly (painfully so sometimes) and I'll be grateful to have your thoughts to consider in those moments. Again, just plain useful to see what's standing out and what's causing pauses or raising questions, and different perspectives on the piece as a whole. Much appreciated again.
In fact, you've each given me a wealth of considerations. Word/verb selections, syntax arrangements, shifting densities of the poem. I tend to revise slowly (painfully so sometimes) and I'll be grateful to have your thoughts to consider in those moments. Again, just plain useful to see what's standing out and what's causing pauses or raising questions, and different perspectives on the piece as a whole. Much appreciated again.