11-28-2025, 08:37 PM
The dourness of the poem comes clearly out, both in word choice and content. But in general it's hard for me to establish the specific thread/cause of grief. It seems to meditate on all the grief a person has experienced in their life but the whys aren't very clear.
I grieved as a child - Why?
now i grieve my childhood - Why?
Not saying the poem needs exposition. Just that to me it prompted questions I never got answers to. Maybe that's the point. Maybe emphasize the specific vein of grief/depression you are gunning for? If the theme is lifelong grief then maybe focusing more on the emotions themselves might make it clearer? These are just my first thoughts.
I especially like the ending stanzas:
perhaps it won't
as it molds and shapes my skin
folds it into wrinkles of time and loss
but maybe this grief
that comes with age
is a lesson in life
a word on a page
a hidden gem
that writes out my story
and surely isn't the end.
I grieved as a child - Why?
now i grieve my childhood - Why?
Not saying the poem needs exposition. Just that to me it prompted questions I never got answers to. Maybe that's the point. Maybe emphasize the specific vein of grief/depression you are gunning for? If the theme is lifelong grief then maybe focusing more on the emotions themselves might make it clearer? These are just my first thoughts.
I especially like the ending stanzas:
perhaps it won't
as it molds and shapes my skin
folds it into wrinkles of time and loss
but maybe this grief
that comes with age
is a lesson in life
a word on a page
a hidden gem
that writes out my story
and surely isn't the end.