will the grief ever end?

[shady]

i grieved as a child
now i grieve my childhood
as a taller child; limbs longer, brain stronger
but still feeling small, lost, and weak

now i grieve you, my love
i feel your absence when the sun goes down
and i sit in my room alone

it makes me wonder
will the grief ever end
because it never did--
not even back when
i went to therapy
swallowed pills
or even surrounded myself with like-minded individuals
others who drank to numb and fill their emptiness with warmth

i still some nights,
feel cold and dark and alone
despite the light that warms my life
of friends and family and hope

the dread lingers
i'm wrapped around it's finger
and it makes me wonder
will the grief ever end?

perhaps it won't
as it molds and shapes my skin
folds it into wrinkles of time and loss

but maybe this grief
that comes with age
is a lesson in life
a word on a page
a hidden gem
that writes out my story
and surely isn't the end.