11-20-2025, 02:14 PM
Hi yourlocalaliyen, welcome!!
I opened this expected something with echos of Emily Dickinson, since the title clearly alludes to this. You may have set yourself and unachievable bar there!
I think you have some nice ideas and language in here, but it gets too bogged down in explaining how you are feeling, instead of inviting the reader to feel it too. You've an audience of poets here - what would bring them on the journey with you?
I wonder in that vein, could you challenge yourself to condense this to 12 short lines like Dickinson's famous poem?
I think the concept of a poem as a parrot is also an interesting metaphor - parrots use words they don't mean. They repeat. Could you play with that too?
There are lots of avenues for exploration here. Keep writing!
I opened this expected something with echos of Emily Dickinson, since the title clearly alludes to this. You may have set yourself and unachievable bar there!
I think you have some nice ideas and language in here, but it gets too bogged down in explaining how you are feeling, instead of inviting the reader to feel it too. You've an audience of poets here - what would bring them on the journey with you?
I wonder in that vein, could you challenge yourself to condense this to 12 short lines like Dickinson's famous poem?
I think the concept of a poem as a parrot is also an interesting metaphor - parrots use words they don't mean. They repeat. Could you play with that too?
There are lots of avenues for exploration here. Keep writing!