11-20-2025, 12:45 PM
I'm a noob so you can take this with a grain of salt, but the first thing I noticed is the repetition of "myself". Sometimes there are poems that have repeated words and I wondered if you were going to do something interesting with the repetition, but the poem was about something else, so I found it a bit distracting. Don't take this the wrong way, but it immediately reminded me of something funny - in the first Austin Powers movie, he meets his nemesis in the casino, and says "Allow myself to introduce..... myself." He paused because he realized he got stuck with that repetition.
I think the tension between the sun and the moon is pretty cool. When you say "telling the moon it’s now her turn to come out and rule the night without the suns bright warmth interfering" it reminded me of Chris Cornell singing "I am not your autumn moon - I am the night". He was singing about a relationship with a girl I think, but it's a similar thought. He's more powerful and independent than just a moon that entertains trivially.
I think the tension between the sun and the moon is pretty cool. When you say "telling the moon it’s now her turn to come out and rule the night without the suns bright warmth interfering" it reminded me of Chris Cornell singing "I am not your autumn moon - I am the night". He was singing about a relationship with a girl I think, but it's a similar thought. He's more powerful and independent than just a moon that entertains trivially.