The waking nightmare [may trigger some people]

[busker]

The Waking Nightmare

Awake, yet dreaming.   ... bordering on cliche. Weak.
A single flash of eyelids— 
A whole life passes.   ... I like these two lines.

Esoteric,  ... the poem is starting to feel esoteric, and not in a good way. More like 'what the heck are you trying to say?'
The weight of
Suffering  ... why does this sentence run across three lines? Why the pause after 'weight of', implied by the line break? This makes no sense
That shouldn’t be mine.  ... I have no idea what or whose suffering is being talked about here. You haven't given the reason sufficient context or reason to be read on at this point.

To live so many lives
In so little time—
So long—
It makes me scratch,
Not my eyes,
For I fear I’d never
Live my own
Again.  ... no idea what you're trying to say, and once again you've just thrown in a bunch of vague, trying-too-hard-to-be-profound sort of sentences.

So I scratch my face instead,
Fingers bleeding,
As horror spreads—
The muted horror
Of humanity.  ... the poem ends with a frustrated reader

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My signature explains my style.  ... bad writing is not a 'style'. You're not writing a journal entry, but something that presumably needs a reader to understand and enjoy. Anyone can write vague sentences playing at profundity.

Yet I want to know if my wording is alright.  ... save for L2 and L3, there's nothing here that's all right.

If the depth of the layers holds true.  ... there is no depth, there are no layers, ergo nothing to hold true. 

Hi Mida - I suggest you read this thread if you're looking to improve your craft: https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15730.html


Meaningless Poetry


Dark and clear,
Changing,
The world is orange--
I pray for the rabbits
In the meadow.
Novice poetry is often full of unrelated images and incoherent thoughts. These feeble attempts at surrealism do little-to-nothing to get any kind of informative message across to the reader. While many of the poets who write in this form will defend that their poetry "means whatever you want it to mean", I believe that this is a cop-out from someone unable to write poetry of genuine, significant meaning.
While there is nothing wrong with surrealism, it must be used very carefully and lead to an essential theme or logic. Random strings of unrelated words and thoughts don't read as poetry; they read as nonsense. Poetry should be clear and concise--no reader wants to wade through impenetrable fog.