Violent violets

[sun_sparks]

Violent violets

Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.

Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
As the choir fades to disharmony.
Petals are blown away,

I say to him;
It'll be okay.


Revision 1:
Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.

Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
The chorus fading - disharmony.
Petals are blown away,

I say to him;
It'll be okay.
As long as I can stay.

Staying may not last,
I'll hold you closer -
In the past.

---

I tried using more rhyme. less instinctual and more of a fixed meter.

I too preferred version 1 a little, particularly the ending, which leaves you suspended. Once you start to explain, it becomes abstract. I had Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet in my head when I read this. Although, admittedly, the choir was not out of tune then!