midnight

[whisperer]

This piece is very raw and emotional. The blood hasn't even dried yet. There are writers out there that believe this is how poetry should be written, raw and unedited (Charles Bukowski - So You Want To Be A Writer). Others believe in colourful (sorry I'm Canadian) language and imagery. Poetry is art and art is expression. If that's what you have set out to accomplish, you nailed it. If you want to edit it, if you want it to sound and look better, I would work on some of your language and comparisons. These feel a little cliche and it reads messy. Again, if that's what you were striving for, great job. However, if you want to tighten it up, less is more and a thesaurus is a poets best friend. Beyond that, thank you for sharing.