Show Me That You Care

[Todd]

This is my first time putting together any sort of uniquely structured artistic expression like this. This is something I wrote down recently based on things I've been feeling very strongly and when I looked at it, I liked it. It's probably not very good, but that's why I at least wanted to show it to people in this way, where it might be looked at and regarded, and it does help to know whether people like or don't like it so that I know whether or not this is a craft that I have instincts for or not.

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I open every door, I climb every stair
Just to come and find you, to show you that I care
You're impossible to reach, always distant and shut in
Am I asking too much? Forgive me if I butt in

You say you need comfort, kind words, a feeling that you belong
I need those things too, but perhaps that makes me wrong
Because I come in with all my heart, discard the weight of my story
And I'm met with apprehension that makes me say that I'm sorry

Why are love and affection the hardest for me to obtain?
When it is you who is in need, why is it me who needs to beg?
I have nothing left, this is it, no more can I bear
I wish you would come and find me, to show me that you care

Poetry is like any other skill. Repetition and work beat instinct and talent. In fact what is called talent is usually a massive amount of repetition. So, don't get hung up on that. Everyone's poetry sucks for a long time. Then you will go up a plateau and you'll say I'm better and you will be. Six months later you'll look at what you've written and hate it. Which means again ironically that you've gotten better. The cycle will repeat. Eventually, you'll be able to unlock what you're trying to say and your connection with your own voice will emerge.

To this poem. I think by trying to make the rhymes work you sometimes slip into just sharing a lot of surface, abstract ideas. Abstractions like care, love, or telling phrasing like always distant tell us things without showing us things. It's like writing in shorthand and expecting your readers to know exactly what you mean. Concrete showing through actions or examples make your writing hit harder.

Glad to have you on the site. I don't want to go too deeply in Basic.

hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd