In this my waiting

[Weeded]

In this my waiting

Ah, in this my waiting,
how fast October goes,
how swiftly day fades into dark.

My melancholic rose, holy shit why does this flow so beautifully? is it a result of meter?
like one who sailed an ancient river
where the green papyrus grows - kind of wish there was another rhyme scheme here, instead of this abc/bdb thing so far

like her, like you: no age can wither,
nor custom stale. Your nose curious about the chop here, seems deliberately technical, but a bit meaningless
may be substantially shorter,
but there’s poetry in your prose. I hope this message reaches its intended audience

Love this one Busker, wish there was a bit more adherence to the meter so beautifully prescribed in l2/l5, but the poem has a undeniable flow and a powerful message. We need a wizard to critique this, I think theres something great here.