Today, 10:53 AM
I think I'm probably going to reconstruct this in a different way.
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Hi Todd,
In the interest of my own edification, if you are so inclined, I wonder what it is about the poem that you find lacking. I've reread it in light of your post about 'clouds and anchors' and still find it very compelling as written. The opening lines about the spaces between words as a metaphor for a refuge from life is clever, especially coming from a presumed poet narrator(more could be done to bring that out). For me, the only anchor needed is the 'If not for my children' line and the rest can be parsed from there. It is the kind of line that will make most readers reread and think about how the rest of the poem fits around that line allowing the rest to be clouds.
Take care,
Steve
[/quote]
Hi Todd,
In the interest of my own edification, if you are so inclined, I wonder what it is about the poem that you find lacking. I've reread it in light of your post about 'clouds and anchors' and still find it very compelling as written. The opening lines about the spaces between words as a metaphor for a refuge from life is clever, especially coming from a presumed poet narrator(more could be done to bring that out). For me, the only anchor needed is the 'If not for my children' line and the rest can be parsed from there. It is the kind of line that will make most readers reread and think about how the rest of the poem fits around that line allowing the rest to be clouds.
Take care,
Steve