Yesterday, 12:28 PM
Don’t Enter Uninvited
Invitation unexpected,
after the way things were left
last time.
The door of our old hideaway house door to our
stands open—
welcoming, despite despite there being
not a soul to greet.
Meeting again, To meet again
now that I’m inside add comma
and there are no lights,
after the way things were left
last time—
overturned,
and messy, end with em dash not comma
would be… unexpected.
Still,
an invitation—
lovely it's lovely
to be remembered.
There is a lot I really like about this poem -- it evokes a past story which draws me in, with the same sense that something important happened and the poem is dealing with the aftermath. The poem's three parts build naturally on each other, with the mystery of what happened last time, the meditation on what it would mean to follow up on the invitation, and then the resolution of refocusing on the meaning of the invitation rather than what one is being invited for. Given that it seems to exist in three moments, either condensing the middle or regularizing the spacing so it is two neat stanzas might reinforce the conceptual flow.
"Stands open" in the second stanza seems a bit plain, I'm thinking maybe something with ajar, and something more unexpected than stands.
Two things which may be intentional, but which I found slightly puzzling: the title does not seem to quite match the decision of whether to enter and why (the poem reads like the person is invited, which leaves the question of whether to enter uninvited somewhat beside the point), also in the third stanza "now that I'm inside" seems to go counter to the rest of the poem, which I understood as the person either being unsure as to whether to enter or deciding not to. That said, in terms of rhythm, this is my favourite stanza.
But "as is", a very enjoyable and enticing poem
Invitation unexpected,
after the way things were left
last time.
The door of our old hideaway house door to our
stands open—
welcoming, despite despite there being
not a soul to greet.
Meeting again, To meet again
now that I’m inside add comma
and there are no lights,
after the way things were left
last time—
overturned,
and messy, end with em dash not comma
would be… unexpected.
Still,
an invitation—
lovely it's lovely
to be remembered.
There is a lot I really like about this poem -- it evokes a past story which draws me in, with the same sense that something important happened and the poem is dealing with the aftermath. The poem's three parts build naturally on each other, with the mystery of what happened last time, the meditation on what it would mean to follow up on the invitation, and then the resolution of refocusing on the meaning of the invitation rather than what one is being invited for. Given that it seems to exist in three moments, either condensing the middle or regularizing the spacing so it is two neat stanzas might reinforce the conceptual flow.
"Stands open" in the second stanza seems a bit plain, I'm thinking maybe something with ajar, and something more unexpected than stands.
Two things which may be intentional, but which I found slightly puzzling: the title does not seem to quite match the decision of whether to enter and why (the poem reads like the person is invited, which leaves the question of whether to enter uninvited somewhat beside the point), also in the third stanza "now that I'm inside" seems to go counter to the rest of the poem, which I understood as the person either being unsure as to whether to enter or deciding not to. That said, in terms of rhythm, this is my favourite stanza.
But "as is", a very enjoyable and enticing poem