Low self esteem

[Weeded]

hey Bitnee,

I'm sorry, I didnt mean to offend you, and i'm not telling you to give up. I like the content of your poem, I think it cuts deep and has the potential to be powerful, but I also wouldn't consider it poetry in its current state. It's more like prose written in the form of a poem. As a fellow musician I could definitely see a song carved out of this, and yes this isn't intensive and I understand this is basic but it's still a critique forum, and basically this isn't a poem no matter how you cut it- and again- this isn't mean to offend or discourage you- quite the opposite. I am only recommending you read more poetry and because this is written like it's from a person who has never read a poem in their life.

Take the first line for example:

I lost my self-esteem today

This would hit so much harder if you 'showed' the reader, rather than 'told' them (show, don't tell)

the idea is powerful, the presentation is not.

I hope this helps,
mike