Low self esteem

[Bitnee]

Hello all. Here is another first draft of an idea for a poem. I wrote this quickly as it came to my mind just to get it down. I am aware it needs more work and probably better structured maybe shortened. I welcome advice!

I lost my self esteem today
Well who am I kidding?
You can’t lose what you never had 
But trust me I’ve been searching
For ways to make me feel less sad

I was the quiet kid in school
Too scared to look anyone in the eye
But that was easy to do 
Way too damn easy
Cause nobody bothered to look at me either
Or ever notice me cry

If I could go back in time 
Then maybe I’d try
To hide my anxiety
Lock it deep down inside

So I could pretend to be normal
A person others would want to notice
Instead of hiding and wanting to die 

I lost my self esteem today 
And inside my mind I was back in time
That scared weird kid
Fear flooding through my veins
And screaming inside my mind

I wish that I had the guts back then
To admit to someone that I needed help
I didn’t think anyone would listen
Because the devil would laugh at me
Tauntingly calling me worthless everyday
So I believed what he said 

If I knew then what I know now
I would have been honest
I felt so alone and would hurt myself
And nobody ever even noticed
So i guess I got good at being invisible
Even to people that knew me

As time went on I sought help for myself
I still have my bad days of low self esteem 
But I try to comfort my inner child
To let them know they were never worthless 
And always deserved love
After all don’t we all?