I want my money back.

[Deor Ana Log]

This is a long rant dressed as a poem, but my main grouse is that the rant is terribly pedestrian.

I agree with you completely, it needs to be edited down for clarity, because the statement that Tun is try to make isn't coming across.

Oh look but what 'statement' do you believe I am trying to make?

I don't understand your point in this poem, but I just assume that you are trying to make some sort of claim? (it isn't clear)