The Hector Hoctor Tree

[dukealien]

Thank you very much for your feedback, i really appreciate it! i admit i had not even thought about punctuation/capitalization, and am a bit unsure as to how to proceed in that regard (normally i just cap all lines and punctuate sparsely), so hopefully the below is a step forward.

Here is a revised version:

On mound of grey,  no need for comma here
contained by snow,
arbour flayed raw
bends, gasps, and moans.  this line could use some work

Stained green with black
defies the frost,
holds pinched dry fruit, 
red blood of ox.

For none but He,
or It, or She -- 
there far beyond
our salted wall, 
that salted pond,  perhaps semicolon or colon here

mortal gasp of
timeless scree, 
stands, persists  maybe begin line with added "here" - not sure about that
the Hoctor tree.  this fixes many things!  Good.

This is, I think, significantly better.  Your punctuation is fine now, though I suggest a few places it might be improved.  Just start with regular punctuation (and capitalization), then tweak both for emphasis (for example, though not recommended here, capitalizing "tree" in the last line).

Killing "Hector" is a perfect solution (as it was for Achilles  ).  As I see it. this is now a *family* tree growing in desolation.  Huge change of direction and a big increase in comprehensibility without explaining anything.  Well done.  Title can be left as is, further suggesting that one Hector is the present fruit and scion.

We have a method for posting edits, evolved over time.  While it's good to put the edited work and comments in a new post (which will, incidentally, raise it to the top of the "waterfall" display), just go back to the original (root"?) post of your thread, enclose the previous version between {pre verse} and {/pre verse} using square brackets instead of curly, and write or paste your edited version above the old.  This will hide the previous version(s) but preserve them so you (and others) can follow the evolution of the poem by clicking on a "previous versions" button which will be displayed.  When you post an edit you can also change the title of the thread by adding "- edited" .  Save your edited "root" post, and there you are.