The Hector Hoctor Tree
#2
(10-12-2025, 10:55 PM)adat Wrote:  On mound of grey
Contained by snow
Arbour flayed raw
Bends, gasps, and moans  evocative so far:  seeing a broken lattice in the wind, on a bare blister of ground, in a blizzard

Green speckled black
Defies the frost
Bears pinched dry fruit  first saw ursine animals stealing apricots while reading this line.  Capitalization not a plus?
Like blood from ox  although the line is descriptive, the idea of bleeding may be a distraction - if you want color, "blood of ox?"

For none but He,
Or It, or She --  nice placement of the three elements (almost first sign of punctuation)
There far beyond
Our salted wall,  having lived in cold climates, I see snow plow-created ramparts with salted highway at their base
That salted pond  the ocean, or are these tears?

Then and now, not  only slightly better than "Now and then"
Forever more  unfortunate cliche
Stands, persists good alliteration
The Hector Hoctor tree  when editing this stanza, perhaps a rhyme or near-rhyme prior to give this a bit more tone.
In intensive critique...

Though I usually give first-letter capitalization a pass with less than a warning, it's actually hurting here.  For example, in S2, seeing the line beginning with "Bears" (sic) prompted me to make the word a noun with subsequent folly.  Given the very spare nature of this work, minimizing capitalization would seem appropriate.

Same with punctuation, but in reverse.  A period or two could justify stanza breaks and justify capitalization after, for phrasing and emphasis.

Aside from that and the notes above, the last stanza needs the most work.  It should remain spare, but with dynamic and surprising words instead of cliche and near-cliche.  This will be difficult but rewarding.

And finally, of course, the title/subject.  "Hector Hoctor Tree" by itself (as in the title) sounds like something from Dr. Seuss.  A tree with looping outlined branches that Horton the Elephant would care for.  The strength of the poem is that it starkly describes something entirely different and keeps comic images from arising at all - good work!   A cursory search turns up only notable dancer Harriet Hoctor, somewhat associated with the story of an aviatrix of her time crashing tragically.  I can see this as the charred wreckage of a 1930s airplane in snow, the fire out, with remnants of cheerful red paint on some surfaces.  I doubt this is what you had in mind, but the poem is, as noted, evocative.  It can be strengthened without explaining or losing its ambiguity.
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Messages In This Thread
The Hector Hoctor Tree - by adat - 10-12-2025, 10:55 PM
RE: The Hector Hoctor Tree - by dukealien - 10-13-2025, 10:40 PM
RE: The Hector Hoctor Tree - by adat - 10-14-2025, 03:50 AM
RE: The Hector Hoctor Tree - by dukealien - 10-14-2025, 07:56 AM



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