10-12-2025, 10:37 PM
There were that worked for me and things that did not so much:
I eat lemons like I eat oranges, i like the juxtaposition, but perhaps it did not have the intended effect for me because i know several people who eat lemons raw and claim to like them (i could never)
I dig a nail into a lemon i found the repetition of "I" here less than ideal, but ok
peel its skin off
Picking off strings of pulp. does pulp come off in strings?
I peel it like an orange,
finger through the center peeling off individual slices
line them out on a ceramic plate good imagery throughout, though it also begs the question, how could one peel a lemon, if not like an orange?
I eat lemons like I eat oranges
I survive carelessly like I live with insecurity carelessly or carefree?
I take all good with a grain of salt, I digest deleterious materials i'm not sure if salt being in the mix is intentionally adding new flavor references, but it does for me
I eat the slices off the plate sugar-coated now with sugar -- sugar and lemon even i could see as being pleasant; an interesting stanza in which to declare lemons vile, especially when that precedes the positive head-clearing, fresh and fruitful
They burn and sting the roof of my mouth
but it feels so good
a vile taste
head-clearing
fresh and fruitful
I eat lemons like I eat oranges
I slice into my skin like pulp, i have to admit i did not like this, but if thats what the poems about fair enough --- i guess it was jarring to me because (as mentioned above) i would not associate lemons with something harmful; and it is a bit confused as above you were slicing the peel with your nail, here it is slicing your skin (which is like your body's peel) but like pulp, whereas above pulp was coming off on strings?
Bloody, thick juices flowing out despite the above i like how ambiguous this line is; its not blood coming out, but bloody thick juices
I love the things I hate
I cry like I smile
I run away like I sleep
I hurt myself like I know what’s best for me i found this stanza powerful; it ties it all together and explains it -- some would say better to show not tell, but i guess because i found the metaphor challenging, i need to be told if this is what you mean to communicate; and unlike the beginning, here the multiple Is line up and provide a cadence that works for me
I eat lemons like I eat oranges,
I peel off slices,
put them in a lunchbox
A side with a sandwich
Just as much vitamin C as an orange
the same shape,
But yellow, agonizingly bitter
Faster erosion of enamel.
I eat lemons like I eat oranges.
Even though I don’t like lemons. again, i found the metaphor challenging to understand, though it worked very well as a reference (brought up tastes and pictures in my mind), so explaining the poem like this helped for me; that said if the poem is about the appeal of doing things harmful, i would have expected more ambiguity than "I don't like lemons"
So, this is my first time giving feedback, so i apologize if it is a bit confused. i liked the poem which is why i picked it to be the one i would give feedback on; the metaphor did not fit my experience of lemons, but it was easy to get over that; the mixing of other flavor references -- sugar and salt, but also below the sandwich in the lunchbox -- diluted the reference for me rather than sharpening it, but one might conversely say that it added context.
I eat lemons like I eat oranges, i like the juxtaposition, but perhaps it did not have the intended effect for me because i know several people who eat lemons raw and claim to like them (i could never)
I dig a nail into a lemon i found the repetition of "I" here less than ideal, but ok
peel its skin off
Picking off strings of pulp. does pulp come off in strings?
I peel it like an orange,
finger through the center peeling off individual slices
line them out on a ceramic plate good imagery throughout, though it also begs the question, how could one peel a lemon, if not like an orange?
I eat lemons like I eat oranges
I survive carelessly like I live with insecurity carelessly or carefree?
I take all good with a grain of salt, I digest deleterious materials i'm not sure if salt being in the mix is intentionally adding new flavor references, but it does for me
I eat the slices off the plate sugar-coated now with sugar -- sugar and lemon even i could see as being pleasant; an interesting stanza in which to declare lemons vile, especially when that precedes the positive head-clearing, fresh and fruitful
They burn and sting the roof of my mouth
but it feels so good
a vile taste
head-clearing
fresh and fruitful
I eat lemons like I eat oranges
I slice into my skin like pulp, i have to admit i did not like this, but if thats what the poems about fair enough --- i guess it was jarring to me because (as mentioned above) i would not associate lemons with something harmful; and it is a bit confused as above you were slicing the peel with your nail, here it is slicing your skin (which is like your body's peel) but like pulp, whereas above pulp was coming off on strings?
Bloody, thick juices flowing out despite the above i like how ambiguous this line is; its not blood coming out, but bloody thick juices
I love the things I hate
I cry like I smile
I run away like I sleep
I hurt myself like I know what’s best for me i found this stanza powerful; it ties it all together and explains it -- some would say better to show not tell, but i guess because i found the metaphor challenging, i need to be told if this is what you mean to communicate; and unlike the beginning, here the multiple Is line up and provide a cadence that works for me
I eat lemons like I eat oranges,
I peel off slices,
put them in a lunchbox
A side with a sandwich
Just as much vitamin C as an orange
the same shape,
But yellow, agonizingly bitter
Faster erosion of enamel.
I eat lemons like I eat oranges.
Even though I don’t like lemons. again, i found the metaphor challenging to understand, though it worked very well as a reference (brought up tastes and pictures in my mind), so explaining the poem like this helped for me; that said if the poem is about the appeal of doing things harmful, i would have expected more ambiguity than "I don't like lemons"
So, this is my first time giving feedback, so i apologize if it is a bit confused. i liked the poem which is why i picked it to be the one i would give feedback on; the metaphor did not fit my experience of lemons, but it was easy to get over that; the mixing of other flavor references -- sugar and salt, but also below the sandwich in the lunchbox -- diluted the reference for me rather than sharpening it, but one might conversely say that it added context.