10-05-2025, 12:59 AM
I really like this poem - I enjoyed the sense of it being untethered from an event, but concentrating instead on the pain and strength that it can bring. The phrase 'ground center' is brilliant - it's evoking ground zero, a space of destruction and a starting point.
I thought the water imagery/metaphor was strong, and a gave me a real sense of you feeling overwhelmed by water/grief/pain. I thought you could maybe do more on the destructive/violent/overwhelming aspect of water maybe?
I also liked the ground/stone/slate imagery - I would lean more into this theme as it pairs well with water. Your last line in particular, would perhaps lend itself well to a line that incorporates stone and water - water as a place of sanctuary, stone as strength or vice versa?
I thought the water imagery/metaphor was strong, and a gave me a real sense of you feeling overwhelmed by water/grief/pain. I thought you could maybe do more on the destructive/violent/overwhelming aspect of water maybe?
I also liked the ground/stone/slate imagery - I would lean more into this theme as it pairs well with water. Your last line in particular, would perhaps lend itself well to a line that incorporates stone and water - water as a place of sanctuary, stone as strength or vice versa?