10-02-2025, 06:17 PM
photo/graphic recall
Frozen and surrounded
by a black frame,
for years we stood
together, on the white
mantelpiece, dusty by habit,
clean by flashes.
Your arm around me,
as I smile,
to warm you.
Icy eyes look
out to warn me.
a break —
a rush of knowing
cascades of meaning
shift and reframe,
locked in
Glinting glances at unknown faces.
Knowing grins in familiar places.
I wonder where we stand now.
-----------------------
Thank you for your reply - I found it really helpful.
Hopefully the new title gives more of sense of revisiting memories. I was aiming for a sense of ambiguity, so I am glad you asked if it is literal or metaphorical. I wanted to describe the internal process of re-evaluating the dynamic of an abusive relationship after it has ended. (For example, if you have seen the film, The Truman Show, there is a scene where Truman sees his "wife" crossing her fingers in their wedding photos.) I wanted to capture something like that moment, of strange behaviours suddenly making sense with new meaning.
I made some other small changes, hopefully these might give a better feeling of danger/unease, or the creeping realisation of those feelings?
The line "your arm... to warm you" - I haven't changed that - I was trying incorporate two meanings:
- the surface level of, 'you' is comforting 'I', 'I' is happy and likewise the smile is meant to bring comfort to 'you'.
- 'you' is warming himself, taking warmth, you is smiling, oblivious.
I don't know if it came across well there? I wanted also to communicate some idea of 'I' being enveloped/smothered by the other person.
I would be grateful for any feedback. Thank you again.
Frozen and surrounded
by a black frame,
for years we stood
together, on the white
mantelpiece, dusty by habit,
clean by flashes.
Your arm around me,
as I smile,
to warm you.
Icy eyes look
out to warn me.
a break —
a rush of knowing
cascades of meaning
shift and reframe,
locked in
Glinting glances at unknown faces.
Knowing grins in familiar places.
I wonder where we stand now.
-----------------------
Thank you for your reply - I found it really helpful.
Hopefully the new title gives more of sense of revisiting memories. I was aiming for a sense of ambiguity, so I am glad you asked if it is literal or metaphorical. I wanted to describe the internal process of re-evaluating the dynamic of an abusive relationship after it has ended. (For example, if you have seen the film, The Truman Show, there is a scene where Truman sees his "wife" crossing her fingers in their wedding photos.) I wanted to capture something like that moment, of strange behaviours suddenly making sense with new meaning.
I made some other small changes, hopefully these might give a better feeling of danger/unease, or the creeping realisation of those feelings?
The line "your arm... to warm you" - I haven't changed that - I was trying incorporate two meanings:
- the surface level of, 'you' is comforting 'I', 'I' is happy and likewise the smile is meant to bring comfort to 'you'.
- 'you' is warming himself, taking warmth, you is smiling, oblivious.
I don't know if it came across well there? I wanted also to communicate some idea of 'I' being enveloped/smothered by the other person.
I would be grateful for any feedback. Thank you again.