10-02-2025, 03:18 AM
The Photo / Interesing title, could be more specific
Frozen and surrounded / is this literal or metaphorical?
by a black frame,
for years we stood / nice imagery
together, on the white mantlepiece,
sometimes dusty, sometimes clean. / maybe elaborate on this more
Your arm around me,
as I smile,
to warm you. / from who (or what?)
Icy eyes
look out
to warn me. / I'm so interested in the danger
Knowing glances at unknown faces.
Warning grins in familiar places. / using the word warn twice dilutes its impact; try a different word
I wonder where we stand now. / Great closing line!
Overall an intriguing piece that NEEDS more specificity, length, and depth in this great theme
Frozen and surrounded / is this literal or metaphorical?
by a black frame,
for years we stood / nice imagery
together, on the white mantlepiece,
sometimes dusty, sometimes clean. / maybe elaborate on this more
Your arm around me,
as I smile,
to warm you. / from who (or what?)
Icy eyes
look out
to warn me. / I'm so interested in the danger
Knowing glances at unknown faces.
Warning grins in familiar places. / using the word warn twice dilutes its impact; try a different word
I wonder where we stand now. / Great closing line!
Overall an intriguing piece that NEEDS more specificity, length, and depth in this great theme