09-09-2025, 11:43 AM
Ugh, allow me to explain myself a little more... the usual disclaimers apply (it's just me etc., etc. If that is too much criticism, I apologize profusely!!!)
The first two stanzas really work. And it's not just rhymes. It is a great opening. The imagery is there – I really see everything that happens.
With all that, one sort of hopes to come to some kind of higher truth at the end, right? I think that's fair
What I get reads (to me!) like complaints about the futility of life... and paired with a comparison to a leaf (in the wind) that feels rather worn...
Anyway, that's one person's way of looking at it. I hope you can find it useful.
The first two stanzas really work. And it's not just rhymes. It is a great opening. The imagery is there – I really see everything that happens.
With all that, one sort of hopes to come to some kind of higher truth at the end, right? I think that's fair
What I get reads (to me!) like complaints about the futility of life... and paired with a comparison to a leaf (in the wind) that feels rather worn...
Anyway, that's one person's way of looking at it. I hope you can find it useful.