07-23-2025, 08:06 AM
It has been said by many professionals and others over the years that we need to forgive more for ourselves than for the person who "wronged" us. That it is unhealthy mentally and physically to hold onto anger and bitterness. And I fully agree with this.
With that said, I believe there are 2, or at least 2, "levels" of forgiveness.
The first is choosing to forgive someone on a mental or intellectual level. This is truly a decision of sorts. Something that we can do even though it is not necessarily easy. And I will add that it is more difficult to do if the other person does not recognize their error, their wrong, and has never sincerely apologized for the harm that they did.
I have found that there is a 2nd level. At least for me there is, or has been. And it seems to only come into play when the harm was deep or traumatic or repetitive.
This is forgiveness of the heart. This heart-level stuff is not really controllable ... is not really a decision. It happens when it happens, if it happens at all. For me, I have found that this has happened when the "offending" person died. After their death, I felt that a weight was lifted that I did not know I carried, much to my surprise for I thought that I had already forgiven them. In truth, I had forgiven them intellectually which was the only level I had true control of.
Another way to understand this might be that level 1 is conscious, and level 2 is unconscious. Just a different way of articulating the same concepts IMO.
Hopefully, those rambling thoughts will make sense to some. Blessings
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A brief (I hope) followup. Rather than edit the above ramblings, I will just add to them with the goal that this might add clarity. And I realize that it will be somewhat redundant.
I absolutely believe that we can choose to forgive, at least to a degree. And I believe that we can significantly benefit from doing so. I also believe, that we do not have full control over our heart's, unconscious mind's, or our body's ability to forgive.
Our ability to fully forgive may depend upon how deep the wound is. Is it skin-deep? muscle-deep? organ-deep? And has there been recognition and regret by those who hurt us? Additionally, what is the status of our emotional/mental health. If we are in a good place, then forgiveness is certainly much, much easier. If we are struggling, while it is harder, we can benefit much more from doing so.
So very many people struggle with forgiveness. I attended a Bible-study class on this topic and there was a large group. I ended up reading this poem to the class, despite my dislike for public-speaking, and many people asked for copies. Lastly, I recommend prayer.
With that said, I believe there are 2, or at least 2, "levels" of forgiveness.
The first is choosing to forgive someone on a mental or intellectual level. This is truly a decision of sorts. Something that we can do even though it is not necessarily easy. And I will add that it is more difficult to do if the other person does not recognize their error, their wrong, and has never sincerely apologized for the harm that they did.
I have found that there is a 2nd level. At least for me there is, or has been. And it seems to only come into play when the harm was deep or traumatic or repetitive.
This is forgiveness of the heart. This heart-level stuff is not really controllable ... is not really a decision. It happens when it happens, if it happens at all. For me, I have found that this has happened when the "offending" person died. After their death, I felt that a weight was lifted that I did not know I carried, much to my surprise for I thought that I had already forgiven them. In truth, I had forgiven them intellectually which was the only level I had true control of.
Another way to understand this might be that level 1 is conscious, and level 2 is unconscious. Just a different way of articulating the same concepts IMO.
Hopefully, those rambling thoughts will make sense to some. Blessings
---------------------------------
A brief (I hope) followup. Rather than edit the above ramblings, I will just add to them with the goal that this might add clarity. And I realize that it will be somewhat redundant.
I absolutely believe that we can choose to forgive, at least to a degree. And I believe that we can significantly benefit from doing so. I also believe, that we do not have full control over our heart's, unconscious mind's, or our body's ability to forgive.
Our ability to fully forgive may depend upon how deep the wound is. Is it skin-deep? muscle-deep? organ-deep? And has there been recognition and regret by those who hurt us? Additionally, what is the status of our emotional/mental health. If we are in a good place, then forgiveness is certainly much, much easier. If we are struggling, while it is harder, we can benefit much more from doing so.
So very many people struggle with forgiveness. I attended a Bible-study class on this topic and there was a large group. I ended up reading this poem to the class, despite my dislike for public-speaking, and many people asked for copies. Lastly, I recommend prayer.