My Father

[Natangwe]

As you with sleeping breathes,         peaceful yet painful

whizzing and  so weak,           
        
I'll come and squeeze your hands,

and imagine so restlessly,                disrupts flow for me, maybe "imagine restlessly" would work?

I'll then inhale your last                   similar structure as line 3, maybe "the" instead of "your" to add emphasis

inhales from your chest,  
                
and then all of a sudden,                is it really "all of a sudden" in the scene described? maybe "unfathomably" (or something similar to avoid an                                                       unintended rhmye with "free")
You & this phantom will be free.      Again a little bit out of flow for me, but here it works much better as it ends the poem; not sure what to                                                            think of the word "phantom" but that might be intended 

Hey Ryan,
Your poem creates very powerful imagery in few lines, I like that a lot! Also, the title puts the entire scene into a very relatable context. Very well done in my opinion. 
The only thing was that one line (4) felt a bit slower when reading which distracted the overall flow for me. All other lines seemed to follow this certain flow and this line is not powerful enough to be allowed to disrupt it (imo). 

But overall a very enjoyable read, thanks!