Ideal of the Refugee - edit

[busker]

Ideal of the Refugee


What makes a refugee
dream of emigrating to America?
Wretched conditions where he lives: 
not its infrastructure’s crash
so much as government’s raw hate
of him, its lust for murder
and race-blame it foists
for its own failure.  all of this is pure prose. If it's going to be a rant, it'll be better off couched in some interesting rhyme, ala Kipling 

for illustration, consider Kipling below. The notion of 'lesser breeds' is ridiculous even by the standards of Kipling's day. The India of Aurangzeb, for instance, was not far behind Jacobean England in technology or civilisational attainment, and was militarily superior, at least in its backyard. It wasn't until the mid18th century, when Europe was in the full bloom of the Enlightenment and metallurgy had progressed by leaps and bounds, that the gap opened up. Dalrymple's book on the East India company has numerous examples to prove the point. But despite the central thesis of the poem being utter rot, the phrasing is memorable. 'The blame of those ye better / the hate of those ye guard' is a universally applicable sentiment. You could hear cops mumble that. Or military men. Or Anthony Fauci. That's literary greatness.

Take up the White Man's burden—
    And reap his old reward,
The blame of those ye better,
    The hate of those ye guard—
The cry of hosts ye humour
    (Ah slowly!) toward the light—
"Why brought ye us from bondage,
    "Our loved Egyptian night?"

What makes America
dream of welcoming a refugee?
One who, however much he owned
and was hated in his homeland,  .... same problem of being prose.
can discard that cicatrice  
and live in ordered comity– appreciate the word choices. Not run of the mill.
not to colonize America
but be colonized by its ideals.  ....ironical, considering that America itself is a colony. If you don't intend it to be randomly ironical, a different word than 'colonise' would suit

I think there's a place for optimistic, idealistic verse too, in this day and age. This strophe tries to do that, but there's still too much telling than showing.


Such a one, with talent
and ambitious liberty to work
becomes a new star in the flag
he and all Americans may bring
as they launch new constellations
colonizing frontiers higher–
countless amities of light.  ... 

Inspired by critique/discussion of Color Enforcement a bit brighter and more individualized.  And not, I hope, too Kipling  for modern sensitivities.

I appreciate your eagerness to welcome 2 million Indian South Africans, 4 million Ahmadis in Pakistan, and 20 million Muslim Ethiopians 

In all seriousness - the central thesis of the poem is weak. I wouldn't mind if you took the position that America's a predominantly white country, a European transplant, and must remain so. That would be intellectually honest. I think there's merit in maintaining a certain racial and / or ethnic uniformity - namely, that it eschews change. And change, as we know, may be good in the long run but is invariably troublesome in the short run. Those sorts of positions are fine as long as they are argued respectfully. 

But the key is intellectual honesty, which is what artistic integrity is all about (in the case of Kipling, it's not his bourgeois journalist's hack brain that we respect, but his skill with words, just like Maradona's with a football).