Wonderland

[Richard]

Hey poetry_zealot,
I agree with duke about this sounding like god is the speaker. That would probably explain the lower case "i" too. I would think this is being done as a way to go against the convention of the capitalization of "God." My suggestion would be to rework the title to give the reader a hint at god being the speaker, if that is the case. Because once I thought about this as being from god's point of view, it really impacted how I read it, which might be something you want to the reader to do right away. Plus, other than the repetition at the end, I don't find Wonderland an overly effective title. I'm no bible expert, but does god or any angels ever refer to earth as "wonderland?" I get a feeling it might be a personal reference, and if this is the case, you need to dive deeper into it to communicate that to the reader. Now onto the poem itself:

i once built my own
world: i colored the canvas
with the scent of sweet air
chasing winter; -Is this setting up the creation of time/seasons? Why not change "sweet air" to something more specifically spring or summer oriented?


i painted roads with 
tombstones, masquerading
as bricks, tastelessly gossiping
with an empty sky; -I like a lot of the imagery here. However, it doesn't really work with the painter image from above. I would suggest replacing "painted" with something more in keeping with the rest of the imagery here.


i fostered myths using
fingernails, endlessly
grown and discarded in
an ephemeral greenhouse; -I get what you're going for here, yet I wonder if you should try to include more imagery of a compost too? It is a powerful idea to bring life and belief into being from decay.


i loved so much, hate gained -I really love the idea of love giving shape to hate.
form, gently caressing the wind
in a sea of never-ending
apple trees; -Why not change this to something about a half eaten apple or a rotten apple or a wormy apple? Might be more in keeping with the tone of the poem. To me, the image of apple trees falls a bit flat.


i created a world
with toothpicks,
just to call it
Wonderland. -I don't get this ending at all, other than connecting back to the title. Maybe change it to "Earth" or "The World" or something with broader appeal. I like the idea of avoiding caps until this though. It adds great empahsis to the ending and gives the reader some food for thought.

Overall, I think you got a strong start here and just need to play around with this to get this poem to where it needs to be.

Cheers,
Richard