Wonderland

[dukealien]

i once built my own
world: i colored the canvas
with the scent of sweet air  "scent of sweet air" is almost too related for the rest of the poem
chasing winter;  back to semi-sequiturs - nice


i painted roads with 
tombstones, masquerading
as bricks, tastelessly gossiping
with an empty sky;  though I perceive it as unintended, the issue of whether the painter or the bricks is tasteless comes to mind.  It could be resolved by removing a comma or two from the verse, but the ambiguity is fun, so stet.


i fostered myths using
fingernails, endlessly
grown and discarded in
an ephemeral greenhouse;  not sure what was intended here, but the theme of organic growth is new here for the poem:  it didn't mention wearing down the crayons from S1.


i loved so much, hate gained
form, gently caressing the wind
in a sea of never-ending
apple trees;  was the reference to the Garden of Eden here intended, or is it just me (which would make the speaker God)?  Against that, the "sea of ... apple trees" brings to mind Disney's "Johnny Appleseed" cartoon ending where the orchard extends up into the clouds.


i created a world
with toothpicks,  after a well-chewed meal, that is?
just to call it
Wonderland.  Capitalization at last, which even "i" didn't rate.  And a period to close a sentence begun with a minuscule.  Seriously, though, this is a good way to end the poem.  It speaks to intent rather than formless fantasy.  Alternatively, it was a lot of thought-work for a product which was "just" Wonderland.

In mild critique, this is made up of a series of visions or fantasies which do have a central theme of something aimless turning out to have a point  (toothpicks (g) ).  Aside from the comments above, my only suggestion is changing the title so it refers to the journey(s) rather than the endpoint.

The typography of "i" may have some significance, but it didn't impress me.  Which is not to say it's wrong, only that as it happens I didn't get it.