04-21-2025, 11:20 AM
A lot of rust on this one I'm afraid, but it will hopefully lead to future efforts.
The repetition of the last stanza just doesn't work for me- almost like you couldn't think of an ending, and decided to repeat the first stanza formatted differently.
Forcing the rhyme in s.2 didn't help my reading.
Sorry to seem harsh in BASIC, but if you added some bones to this one it would help.
Respectfully (as possible),
Mark
The repetition of the last stanza just doesn't work for me- almost like you couldn't think of an ending, and decided to repeat the first stanza formatted differently.
Forcing the rhyme in s.2 didn't help my reading.
Sorry to seem harsh in BASIC, but if you added some bones to this one it would help.
Respectfully (as possible),
Mark