04-16-2025, 09:06 AM
I like the clever bit in the end but that's just me - I'm a sucker for when the words have layers.
The start of the poem gives me the "Once upon a time" vibe and I think that it fits since it does feel like that is the point in the start. The letting know that yes, these were the stories.
The second stanza is my favorite.
I can agree with CRNDLSM's criticism aobut the last flow between the lines. I am trying to think f something instead of "gradually" but I think, right now, it would be better of without a word.
Final stanza feels like it is talking to the second stanza but kind of missing the mark. Why I say that - the "that don't dare to burn" recalls the "and let them burn" but the image needs something more. Perhaps more in tune with the second stanza? Like keeping the metaphor somewhat or twisting it? I'm not sure exactly what but it feels like there is something missing here and just a tweak would make it so much better.
I liked the poem, that second stanza was powerful enough to keep it all afloat.
The start of the poem gives me the "Once upon a time" vibe and I think that it fits since it does feel like that is the point in the start. The letting know that yes, these were the stories.
The second stanza is my favorite.
I can agree with CRNDLSM's criticism aobut the last flow between the lines. I am trying to think f something instead of "gradually" but I think, right now, it would be better of without a word.
Final stanza feels like it is talking to the second stanza but kind of missing the mark. Why I say that - the "that don't dare to burn" recalls the "and let them burn" but the image needs something more. Perhaps more in tune with the second stanza? Like keeping the metaphor somewhat or twisting it? I'm not sure exactly what but it feels like there is something missing here and just a tweak would make it so much better.
I liked the poem, that second stanza was powerful enough to keep it all afloat.