04-12-2025, 01:05 AM
I like that much better... but my very last criticism would be "end" instead of "ended" in that first stanza - I feel like the past tense MIGHT be throwing it off. If you said "I"... that past tense might work better... but with the "you" (the reader) there, it implies "anytime" not a past act that was often done during that specific time period.
but that could just be me, and not something you want to change.
but that could just be me, and not something you want to change.