04-09-2025, 03:27 AM
Perhaps:
"a squiggle and a dot" --> "a squiggle, a dot"
I like how it starts, although as the poem evolves it loses its meter and cohesion - this could be intentional.
Perhaps, add a line to signal a descent into chaos.
E.g.
Am I free?
Was I ever truly me?
Am I still
the person I wanted to kill?
My skin isn’t right,
every day is a fight
[My mind shatters!: / ] --> or something otherwise dramatic
to find myself and understand
who I am and for what to stand
the struggle magnified by my elders who
force upon me what is and isn't true
but I am no sheep, I question
Unwilling to conceal or bend per every suggestion
I am a question mark, a squiggle and a dot
in a world which never gives a second thought
Also maybe add full stop at the end to complement the "give [no] second thought" idea.
"a squiggle and a dot" --> "a squiggle, a dot"
I like how it starts, although as the poem evolves it loses its meter and cohesion - this could be intentional.
Perhaps, add a line to signal a descent into chaos.
E.g.
Am I free?
Was I ever truly me?
Am I still
the person I wanted to kill?
My skin isn’t right,
every day is a fight
[My mind shatters!: / ] --> or something otherwise dramatic
to find myself and understand
who I am and for what to stand
the struggle magnified by my elders who
force upon me what is and isn't true
but I am no sheep, I question
Unwilling to conceal or bend per every suggestion
I am a question mark, a squiggle and a dot
in a world which never gives a second thought
Also maybe add full stop at the end to complement the "give [no] second thought" idea.
